¡DAVE!'S
TAKE
ON CHRISTMAS!
Well it's that time of year again. The holidays.
So here is some things that i have wrote on the subject.
RULES-
Christmas In July Rule-The holiday season offically
begins in the stores on July 7.-Every year the holiday season starts earlier
and earlier. This year I noticed it started right after the fourth of July.
Maybe the retailers ran out of bathing suits.
Thirty minute Parking Rule-Parking is more valuable
than gold-Your chances of getting a space close to the mall enterance are
less than if you won the lottery. You will discover after driving around
for fifteen minutes that you start to follow shoppers to their cars as
they leave the building and then wait until they get into their car and
leave. Total time wasted 30 minutes.
Hard to find Gift Rule-The gift-Usually every
year I find that there is one gift or decoration that I have to have. So
I will drive around to all of the malls and spend large amounts of time
finding it. Only to not end up getting it at all.
Let them eat cake rule-All home Christmas parties
must have fruitcake and those god awful dates or figs that look like cocoons
for their guests. No one likes either but if you don't have it, everyone
will complain.
Vatican City Rule- Many will suddenly become
religeous around Dec 25 by going to church or Christmas mass. This is short
lived and only lasts a day.
Insomnia Rule-You will have many sleepless nights
because you can't get the chorus to Feliz Navidad out of your head, but
don't worry it will only last until Jan 1. On that day Auld Lang Syne will
take over and it is a little easier to handle.
Christmas Card Rule-You will get a Christmas
card from someone you didn't send one to, there won't be much you can do
about it, because it will arive a few days before Christmas. You will be
out of cards so you will have to buy a new box of cards or go to Hallmark
and get one that costs as much as a new box of cards.
Santa Clause Rule-Every Mall and department
store will have at least one Santa Clause. Downtown areas must have ten.
On somedays the downtown stores may have an ethnic Santa. This is ok, it's
just to throw off the kids.
Egg Nog Rule-You will run out of Egg Nog for
Christmas Dinner. By then it will be too late to run to the store. So you
will have to go to 7-11 where it will be $10.00 for a half gallon.
Presents and Gifts rule-You never get what you
really want for Christmas no matter how good you are.
Stocking Rule-There must be at least one marshmillow
treat in your stocking and it has to be at least ten years old.
Candy Cane Rule-You will have about a hundred
candy canes by the end of the month. They mysteriously dissappear when
the decorations come down. However one will show up in June in the place
where you usually store your sunglasses. |
