| Three turtles, Joe, Gerry, and Ray, decide to go on a
picnic. So Joe packs the picnic basket with cookies, bottled sodas,
and sandwiches. The trouble is, the picnic site is ten miles away,
so the turtles take ten whole days to get there.
By the time they do arrive, everyone's exhausted. Joe
begins to unpack. He takes out the sodas and says, 'Alright, Gerry, gimme
the bottle opener.' 'I didn't bring the bottle opener,' Gerry says. 'I
thought you packed it.' Joe gets worried. He turns to Ray.
'Ray, do you have the bottle opener?' Naturally, Ray doesn't have it, so
the turtles are stuck ten miles away from home without soda.
Joe and Gerry beg Ray to turn back home and retrieve it,
but Ray flatly refuses, knowing that they'll eat everything by the time
he gets back. After about two hours, the turtles manageto convince Ray
to go, swearing on their great-grand turtles' graves that they won't touch
the food. So, Ray sets off down the road, slow and steadily.
Twenty days pass, but no Ray. Joe and Gerry are
hungry and puzzled, but a promise is a promise. Another day passes
and still there is no sign of Ray, but a promise is a promise.
After three more days pass without Ray in sight, Gerry
starts getting restless. 'I NEED FOOD!' he says with a hint of dementia
in his voice. 'NO!' Joe retorts. 'We promised.'
Five more days pass. By now Joe realises that Ray
probably skipped out to the diner down the road. So the two turtles
weakly lift the lid of the picnic basket, take out a sandwich each, and
open their mouths to eat. But then, right at that instant, Ray pops out
from behind a rock, and says, 'I knew it!, I'm not f*cking going.'
Bushisms
"People that are really very weird can get into sensitive
positions and have a tremendous impact on history."
...George W. Bush
"I stand by all the misstatements that I've made."
...George W. Bush to Sam Donaldson, 8/17/93
"We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a part of NATO.
We have a firm commitment to Europe. We are a part of Europe." ...George
W. Bush
"Public speaking is very easy." ...George W. Bush to reporters
"I am not part of the problem. I am a Republican"
...George W. Bush
"A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people
going to the polls." ...George W. Bush
"We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may
not occur." ...George W. Bush 9/22/97
"For NASA, space is still a high priority."
...George W. Bush, 9/5/93
"Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that
teach our children." ...George W. Bush, 9/18/95
"The American people would not want to know of any misquotes
that George Bush may or may not make."
...George W. Bush
"We're all capable of mistakes, but I do not care to enlighten
you on the mistakes we may or may not have made." ...Governor George W.
Bush
"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's
the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
...George W. Bush
"[It's] time for the human race to enter the solar system."
...George W. Bush
Bonus
Useless Humor:
"The remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty
years she served us nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never
been found."
- Calvin Trillin |
